Probably not the best idea to blog from an iPhone…creates lots of typos
I went to hear a speaker last night, Alfie Kohn, who talked about punishments and rewards with children. Basically he says that both punishments and rewards are ways of doing something TO a child in order to get them to comply and this comes with a cost. Punishments are counter-productive because: -It makes the child angry and gives him/her the desire to get even -It teaches power -It eventually loses its effectiveness Studies show that the more a child is punishes the worse behaving the child.
He says the more you use power to control your kids, the less influence you’ll have on their lives. You become “power enforcers” instead of “caring allies.” All consequences make kids more self-centered. It becomes “what will they do to me if I do that?” not being concerned about the impact on others. Rewards are similarly detrimental..it’s not about the child doing something but about the parent controlling the child’s behavior. He believes in working with the child to create an understanding and thus allow the child to become a happy, caring, responsible person.
Just some thoughts… Really enjoyed the lecture.
Last quote that really got to me: “If you don’t know if it’s a punishment look at the child’s eyes and you’ll have your answer.”
So Mom was telling me the other day how she, dad and Sherri still chew on their pipes during 24 and I’m just wondering how many years I should let go by before showing Sherri this pic of Cooper stealing her pipe. She did, afterall, throw away dishes that a dog licked before.
I am now here in blog land for Linds….interesting world.